Tag: blonde

Blonde at the appliance store

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

“Darn, he recognized me,” she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big cellular shades, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

Helping an overweight blonde

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice about how to lose weight fast. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: “How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”

Sleeping Pills

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the blond answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market! To read more about them click here”

“That may be true,” answered the blond wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!”

How to detect a mental deficiency

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. “Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“There are a number of techniques from multi-factor analysis to detailed observation; but there’s one way that never fails,” he replied. “You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”

The Milk Bath

Geri Halliwell on the April 2005 UK edition

A blonde was reading Cosmopolitan magazine, and next to a page about Patentrim reviews she reads an article that says milk is good for your skin and pores.

Excitedly, the next day she puts a note on her steps for the milkman telling him she wants 25 gallons of milk.

The next day the milkman finds the note and he is confused if she meant to write it as 2.5 gallons, so he finds the women and asks her if she wants 2.5 gallons or 25 gallons. She says “No 25 gallons, its for taking a bath”.

The milkman says “Would you like it pasteurized?”.

“No just up to my tits”, she replied.

The Electronics Store

There’s this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes.

So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says.

So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes.

Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served.

Look, she says, how can you tell i’m a blonde, even tho i’ve dyed my hair???

Soory lady, that thing with the flashing led light is a microwave!!!!

Going to the mechanic

A few days ago, I was getting some polaris rzr parts for my quad and a blonde came in, and asked the mechanic for a “Seven-hundred-ten”. Everyone in the store looked at each other, and another customer asked “What is a seven-hundred-ten?”. The blonde
then replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.”

The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle with ‘710’ in the center. He then took her outside, and over to a car with its hood up and asked, is there a seven-hundred-ten on this car? She
rolled her eyes and said “Of course!” and pointed to the OIL cap.

Blond TV

A blond walked into a store one day looking for a television. She finds the one that she was looking for on a shelf next to a tv stand, so she picks it up and takes it up to the front to pay for it.

The guy working at the cash register looks at her and says “Sorry ma’am, but we don’t sell anything to blonds.” Frustrated, the blond sets the TV down and storms out. She gets an idea, and goes out and buys a brunette wig. The next day, she walks in, grabs the same TV set and takes it up to the cash register. The guy says, “Like I told you yesterday, ma’am, we don’t sell anything to blonds.”

She angrily sets the TV down and storms out. The next day, she walks in with a redhead wig and takes the television up to pay for it. The guy looks at her and says “For the last time, we don’t sell our merchandise to blonds.”

Aggravated, the blond shouts “Well, damnit, why not?” The guy stares at her and replies “Let me put it to you this way,” he points to the TV, “that’s a microwave.”

A blonde diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet to see if he can give her diet supplements or something to help. Instead he comes up with this great plan:

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instruction The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

The blonde diet

A blonde is terribly overweight and after trying every medication in the book, including Xenical and Hydroxycut hardcore goes to her doctor who puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instruction The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”