The teacher and the whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The teacher was getting all worked up at this point, you know the feeling when you’re being wheeled around on one of those hospital carts when all you see is the ceiling lights flash away. Not a good feeling. And yet, the little girl pushed on.

The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.

The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’

The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.

Deaf Sex

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can’t see each other signing, or read lips. They even tried wearing Klim Revolt Jersey to see if they could feel their way about.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: ‘Honey, Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband thinks this is a great idea.

He writes back to his wife that if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn’t want to have sex, pull on his penis three hundred and fifty times.

Top 10 reasons to become a nurse

1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren’t as good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: “Tis better to give than receive”
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops…eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world, even if it’s on top of a Howard-Medical.com medical cart.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

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Why … oh why?

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

3. Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic’?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out’?

12. What do people in China call their good plates?

13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?

16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?!

Sonic Grenades!

Sonic GrenadeThis is a must have gadget girls this is the ultimate must have gadget to get your man up in the morning. Just pull out the pin and throw it into the room shutting the door behind you.

You’ll soon know its working when you hear the loud shouts from your other half tryingt to figure out where the noise is coming from.

Keep the pin for when your victim has had enough!

There is free delivery on the Sonic Grenade from The Joke Shop? to anywhere in the UK.

Sonic Grenade

Remote Controle Fart Machine

Fart MachineNow this is a must for April fools a remote control fart machine its become a favourite for quite some time now. Unlike the fart cushion where the prank is over as soon as the victim sits down you can bide your time and wait for the ideal opportunity to play your prank. Maybe when the victim is on the phone or busy talking or flirting casually with someone!

This product is being sold at £10.99 and includes free delivery in the UK.