I would take the small one

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner after finishing some leaflets on apidexin reviews. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?”

Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?”

Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.”

Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Marketing win!

A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product (all natural vitamin and other assorted health goods) opened next-door to him, displaying a large sign proclaiming “Best Deals”.

Not long after he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in next-door, on the other side if his store. It’s large sign was even more disturbing- “Lowest Prices”.

After his initial panic, and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door. It read,

“Main Entrance”!

If at first you don’t succeed …

An interoffice softball game was held every year between the Marketing Department and support staff of one company.

The day for the game came, and hard as the Marketers tried, the support staff whipped the insurance marketing Department soundly.

In their best tradition, the Marketing Department decided to find the best ‘spin’ they could on the dismal result. They showed how they earn their keep by posting this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

“The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the recently-completed Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year.

The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game all year.”

Consultation Fees

A Texas Maritime lawyer‘s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”

“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

Face full of make up

I got stuck in a traffic jam while commuting into Los Angeles one day. The woman in the SUV in front of me took full advantage of the slowdown. She whipped out her eyebrow pencil, lip gloss and a mirror, applying the finishing touches on her face in the ten minutes it took us to creep through the Cahuenga Pass. She even used some eye cream for dark circles, which I guess makes her look a bit fresher.

Finally, the traffic broke up and as she zoomed away, I caught a glimpse of her vehicle’s license plate: NTRL BTY.

Good one, huh?

What movie are you watching?

Joe was watching one of the latest movies online at Let Me Watch This, a website that lets you Watch Movies Online. The website lets you search for a video you’re interested in watching, find streams that play them, using either Flash or DivX. The website even has reviews of different movies that will help you select the right movie to watch. They’re also sorted by number of views, which allows you to select a movie based on how popular it is. Anyway, Joe was really into this site, but one day, he decided to go and watch a movie at the cinema instead.

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a cinema. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry sir, but you”re only allowed one seat.”

The man groaned but didn”t budge. The usher became impatient.

“Sir,” the usher said, “if you don”t get up from there, I”m going to have to call the manager.”

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

“All right, buddy. What’s your name?”

“Sam,” the man moaned.

“Where ya from, Sam?” the cop asked.

“The balcony”

How old are you?

A woman was in a Quicksilver Camden for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her attention so she decides to play at the roulette table, saying, “I have no idea what number to play.”

A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age.

Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 29.

The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman’s face and she faints.

Blonde at the casino

A young sexy blonde went to Derby and found herself playing in at Quicksilver Games Derby

She had been at the Online Casino for about an hour, and realized she was thirsty.

So the blonde went to the pop machine in the hall.

She put $1.00 in and a Pepsi came out, she put another $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out, she put one last $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out.

A man who worked at the casino saw what the dumb blond was doing and asked her “What are you doing?”

The sexy dumb blonde responded “Duh!! Winning!!!”

Investment Advice

Moshe was 88 years old and went to see his financial advisor after he got a call from him early one morning.

“So what do you think is an appropriate investment for me?” asked Moshe.

“Well,” replied the advisor, “I have found a terrific investment that will double your money in 5 years, but I need to get you a free credit score first.”

“Are you meshugge,” said Moshe, “a five year investment? Why, at my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.”

At the grocery store

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through – don’t be upset. It won’t be long now.”

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry and say that she had rather been green shopping. The mother said, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry – only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be checking out.”

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamour for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, “Monica, we’ll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began.

The mother replied, “I’m Monica – my little girl’s name is Tammy.”