Investment Advice

Moshe was 88 years old and went to see his financial advisor after he got a call from him early one morning.

“So what do you think is an appropriate investment for me?” asked Moshe.

“Well,” replied the advisor, “I have found a terrific investment that will double your money in 5 years, but I need to get you a free credit score first.”

“Are you meshugge,” said Moshe, “a five year investment? Why, at my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.”

At the grocery store

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through – don’t be upset. It won’t be long now.”

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry and say that she had rather been green shopping. The mother said, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry – only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be checking out.”

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamour for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, “Monica, we’ll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began.

The mother replied, “I’m Monica – my little girl’s name is Tammy.”