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Duck in a hardware store

Hardware Store Ducks

A duck walks into a hardware store. He asks the manager, “Do you have any duck food?” The manager says, “No, we don’t have any duck food.”

The duck leaves, and comes back later. He asks the manager, “Do you have any duck food.” The manager is annoyed and says, “NO! We don’t have any duck food!”

The next day, here comes the duck again into the hardware store. He finds the manager and says, “Do you have any duck food?” The manager, exasperated, says, “No, we don’t have any duck food, and if you come in here and ask me that again, I’m going to chuck this grow light at you!” and stomps away.

The duck leaves and the next day, comes in again. He says to the manager, “Do you have any grow lights?” The manager screams, “NO, we don’t have any grow lights!” So the duck says, “Do you have any duck food?”

You know it’s time to turn your computer off and read a book when:

OK, some of these are a bit old, but applicable anyway …

  • A friend calls and says “How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!”
  • You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
  • You see something funny and scream, “LOL, LOL.”
  • You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said “You’ve Got Mail!”
  • You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
  • You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IM’s.
  • You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.
  • Tech support calls YOU for help.
  • You beg your friends to get an account so you can “hang out.”
  • You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
  • You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
  • You say “he he he he” or “heh heh heh” instead of laughing.
  • You say “Scroll Up” when someone asks what it was you said.
  • You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.
  • You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
  • You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
  • You start to experience “withdrawal” after not being online for awhile.
  • “Where did the time go??”
  • You sit on AOL for six hours for that certain special person to sign on.
  • You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
  • You have an SSL VPN Authentication token as your keyring.
  • …..You end your sentences with…..three or more periods…….
  • You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}}and **kisses**.
  • Being called a “newbie” is a major insult to you.
  • You’re on the phone and say “BRB.”
  • Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
  • Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this….”BRB. Leave your S/N and I’ll TTYL ASAP”.
  • You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-Life.