A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”, thinking she might ask for one of those Birthday Gift Baskets. She said, “I’d love to be ten again.”
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald’s they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?”
One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually I meant dress size.”
Day: March 29, 2011
Signs it’s Time to Stop Breastfeeding!
10. Child can now open your blouse by himself.
9. The kid starts burping up silicone.
8. Child has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. The little one keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. Child demands that you express for his cafe latte.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each session, you both have a smoke.
3. Child invites his friends over for dinner.
2. Child wants to know how to get rid of whiteheads.
1. Beard abrasions on boobs.
Voices
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
“Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?” asked the psychiatrist.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” said the patient. “And when does this happen?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Oh,” said the patient, “when I pick up my blackberry phone.”