Off to bed with you

After making all the beds (they had bought some new pine beds that day), a small boy is sent to bed by his father…

[Five minutes later]

“Da-ad…”

“What?”

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”

“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

[Five minutes later]

“Da-aaaad…”

“WHAT?”

“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”

“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”

[Five minutes later]

“Daaaa-aaaAAAAD…”

“WHAT??!!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

Things Mom would never say

  • “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
  • “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”
  • “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”
  • “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”
  • “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”
  • Don’t worry about Mother’s Day. Who needs a unique mothers day gift anyway!
  • “Well, if Rahul‘s mamma says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”
  • “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”
  • “I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”
  • “Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve”

Mental Hospital

Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ron out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re being discharged, your disability insurance will pay for you to get home; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ron, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?’