Technical Geekery

Are you a tehcnical geek?

Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.

You know you are a tehcnical geek when . . .

When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply “Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!”

When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.

When you are counting objects “0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”.

When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a “mega-nap”.

When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, “You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor.”

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination, regardless on whether you playing it on your Sony VAIO or your phone.

When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.

When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.

When you call “*.*” star-dot-star.

When you can do hexadecimal arithmetic in your head.

When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, “No, dear, it’s ‘Apple Macintosh‘.”

When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!”, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

We love celery

After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery. Much better to eat healthy than to spend time looking for diet pills that actually work.

While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake.

When it was over, my husband turned to me. “Did you ever notice,” he asked, “that they never advertise celery on TV?”

Beauty Joke

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.

“Hmmm,” said the doctor. “I’ve no idea what it is.”

The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. “I’m stumped, wrinkle treatments won’t help,” said the doctor, “but you can try taking these pills.”

When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head.

“Ah!” said the doctor, “I know what it is. You’ve got a beauty spot.”

Borrow a dime

Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money, couldn’t get any cash advances and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men’s room.

The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him.

After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, “I’m that man. I was the one who gave you the dime.”

“You’re not the one I’m looking for. I’m looking for the guy who left the door open!”

Clothing Sale

Bubba didn’t know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.

The sign said “Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair”.

Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I’ll speak in my best Texas drawl.”

They go in and Bubba says, “I’ll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and ……”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re from Arkansas, aren’t you?”

“Well…yes,” says a surprised Bubba. “How come you know that?”

The owner says, “This isn’t a men’s clothing store! It’s a dry cleaners.”