….your idea of gourmet dining is eating at the snack-bar at K-Mart, while the auto-dept. is raising your truck another 8 inches.
….you have a house that’s mobile, and seven trucks that aren’t.
….you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
….you believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
….you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
….you have a rag for a gas cap.
….the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
….the gas pedal on your truck is shaped like a bare foot.
….you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
….you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
….you’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
….you’ve painted a truck with house paint and stuck giant Off Road Lights on it.
….you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
….your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
….your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
….you refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as “the day my ship came in.”
….you mark the Auto Trader with a highlite pen.
….the taillight covers of your truck are made of red tape.
….your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
….on your first date, you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
….your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
….you’ve been to a funeral and there were more pickups than cars.
….you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.
….taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
….your pickup has a two-tone paint job—primer red and primer gray.
— And Finally —
….that billboard that says “SAY NO TO CRACK” reminds you to pull up your jeans!