Wrong number on my cell phone

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me.”

“Sugar!”, he said into his mobile phone.

“Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful flat screen TV. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.”

“Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000!”

“Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”, he whispered into the cell phone.

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”

“Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye.”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?”

Wedding vows

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honour and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, the bride looked amazing in one of the prettiest destination wedding dresses she could find. When it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”