Day: April 2, 2012

Give us your watch

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.
-“You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

-“But grandpa, I really don”t like guns. How about you leave me your golf gps watch instead?”

-“Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then……pointa to you watch and a say, TIME’S UP?”

Beautiful

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after having laser spine surgery in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, “You’re beautiful.”

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later, her husband woke up and said, “You’re cute.” Startled, she asked him, “What happened to ‘beautiful?'” He replied, “The drugs are wearing off.”

The Bracelet

A lady walks into Tiffany’s. After looking at a charm bracelet charm, she spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she lets out a fart.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional salesman in a store like Tiffany’s, and greets the lady with,

‘Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?’

Feeling uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet? ‘