Day: December 6, 2010

Keep in touch with your mobile phone

Frank wants to get his beautiful wife, Betty, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.  So he decides to buy her a new htc desire 2.2 mobile telephone.  Betty is excited, she loves her phone.  Frank shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone.

On Monday Betty goes shopping in the local supermarket. Her phone rings and it’s her husband, ‘Hi ya, Betty,’ he says, ‘how do you like your new phone?’ Betty replies, ‘I just love it, it’s so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one feature that I really don’t understand though.’

‘What’s that, Betty?’ asks the husband.

‘How did you know that I was at Tesco?’

Rules for eating chocolate

  • If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
  • Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
  • The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
    The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
  • Diet tip: Don’t worry about diet pills that work, eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.
  • If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
  • Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
  • If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
    Don’t they actually counteract each other?
  • Money talks. Chocolate sings.
  • Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
  • Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
  • A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?
  • If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

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Why IT jobs can be frustrating

I work as a systems administrator, and part of my job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but like many IT Jobs, sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irritating, this is what I tell them:

Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea (substitute “furniture store” if you don’t know what “Ikea” is). You get a phone call that goes like this.

Customer: I’d like to buy a kitchen table.

You: That’s fine; we have many styles of kitchen tables, I’m sure you can find one you like.

C: I need one that’s 3 feet by 5 feet and has a butcher block top.

Y: Yes, we have a table like that. You can pick it up today.

C: OK, how can I get it back to my house?

Y: Well, it comes disassembled, so you can just put it on a roof rack. We can loan you a roof rack if you don’t have one.

C: But how do I get there?

Y: We’re just off exit 25 of the Turnpike. Where are you coming from?

C: Wait, wait, you’re going way too fast for me. I have a Toyota Celica in my driveway, and the keys are in my hand. What do I do next?

– And, whatever you say at this point, the response is always the same:

C: But all I want is a kitchen table! Why does it have to be so *COMPLICATED*!