A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”
“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” he replies.
To this his friend responds, “Strange ambition to have for a career.”
The boy’s father replied, “Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays and can build a car from all the Ferrari parts people chuck out!”
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men, dressed in hip hop clothes, to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”
The man got a shocked look on his face and said “You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!” “Well”, says the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.” So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man, “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her, I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.” “No,” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home.”
Now they’re down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door to the same room and hand him the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.” The third man took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA man heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.
This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the bitch to death with the freaking chair!”
After refurbishing one of his entertainment centers, a commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to let the shop on the left. The owner says, “Fine, what kind of shop do you have?” The guy says, “A men’s wear shop.”
The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign. “Men’s wear,” says the man.
A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand shop. When asked, he says he wants “Men’s wear” on his sign. The owner tells him that the left-hand shop will be the same. “No problem,” says the man.
Finally a third man comes along to let the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a men’s wear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies, “Entrance.”
