Tag: real estate

Shopkeeper joke

After refurbishing one of his entertainment centers, a commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to let the shop on the left. The owner says, “Fine, what kind of shop do you have?” The guy says, “A men’s wear shop.”

The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign. “Men’s wear,” says the man.

A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand shop. When asked, he says he wants “Men’s wear” on his sign. The owner tells him that the left-hand shop will be the same. “No problem,” says the man.

Finally a third man comes along to let the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a men’s wear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies, “Entrance.”

The Devil and the Real Estate Agent

Satan frozen at the center of Cocytus, the nin...

The Devil tells a Wilmington NC real estate agent, “Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any Real Estate Agent alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived.”

“Well,” says the Real Estate Agent, “what do I have to do in return?”

The Devil smiles, “Well, of course you have to give me your soul,” he says, “but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”

“Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously, “What’s the catch?”

What is an appraiser?

An appraiser is one who compiles and analyzes voluminous data of problematical accuracy from sources of dubious veracity and derives therefrom a numerical quantification of unquestionable necessity, analogous to a nebulous and euphemistic concept representational of value commensurate with ambient configurations of the open market and promulgates thereby a precise written declamation which delineates his observation, deliberations and conclusions all done while he feigns absolute ignorance of the avaricious machinations of Buyers, Sellers, Brokers and Lenders, compensated only by that penurious stipend known as the professional fee.

Top 10 Reason to Become An Appraiser

10. Dazzle your friends with your knowledge of external obsolescence.
9. The wonderful world of rats, bats, and spiders.
8. Be a part of the profession blamed for the collapse of the savings and loan industry.
7. See places in people’s houses that usually require a search warrant to access (even if they’re Outer Banks rentals).
6. Arouse the suspicion of an entire neighborhood when inspecting comparable sales.
5. Chance to really irritate annoying real estate salespeople.
4. Walk around holding a clipboard just like “Skip” down at the Jiffy Lube.
3. Spend hours writing volumes of supporting documentation to justify the market value of a property you already decided on when you pulled into the driveway.
2. See that some people really do hang those black velveteen pictures of Elvis on their living room walls and who forks out for business satellite internet.
1. Be one of a handful of people who know that USPAP is not a medical term.