Happy Birthday

A young couple had been arguing about what new vehicle they would buy. He wanted a big truck, but she wanted a sports car.

After about an hour the woman had to leave, and said, “Look, all I want is something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than four seconds. My birthday is coming up next week, don’t get me a personalized gift again, buy something that will surprise me!”

A week later she opened her present, a new set of bathroom scales!

(The funeral will take place next Tuesday)

What about the wife?

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell some disability insurance to a farmer. He wasn’t getting anywhere, so he thought he”d try to sell a life policy instead.

“Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well . . .” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”