Tag: insurance

Do you know who I am?

A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE (Continuing Education) requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.

On the first day of the new requirements, an agent for www.equote.com wanders into a testing center a half hour late.

“You´ll never finish this test on time,” the test administrator coldly states.

“Just give me the test,” replies the agent, “I´ll finish it.”

Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test.

The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.

“You can´t turn that in,” states the test administrator, “you knew there was a time limit.”

“Do you know who I am?” replies the agent.

“No”, says the administrator.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???” the agent says more forcefully.

“No, and I really don´t care” replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.

“Good,” says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.

The Insurance Job

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
“We don’t need any one,” they replied.
“You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing.”
“We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell any term insurance to. If you can sell just one, you have a job.”

He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy.
“How in the world did you do that,” they asked.
“I told you I’m the world’s best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime.”
“Did you get a urine sample?” they asked him.
“What’s that?” he asked. “Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples.”

He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, “Here’s Mr. Brown’s and this one is Mr. Smith’s.”
“That’s good,” they said, “but what’s in those two buckets?”
“Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy!”

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No, it wasn’t my fault

The ingenuity of drivers involved in accidents, in seeking to assert their innocence, or at least excuse their errors, is apparently inexhaustible, judging from this genuine selection of excerpts from insurance claims.

  • I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen.
  • I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.
  • I thought the side window was down, but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.
  • A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
  • I have cheap auto insurance so it doesn’t really matter.
  • A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car.
  • She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.
  • A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife’s face.
  • I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife.
  • I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
  • Coming home, I drove into the wrong house, and collided with a tree I haven’t got.
  • I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away.
  • The other car collided with mine, without giving any warning of its intentions.

It wasn’t my fault

The ingenuity of drivers involved in accidents, in seeking to assert their innocence, or at least excuse their errors, is apparently inexhaustible, judging from this genuine selection of excerpts from insurance claims whether they’re motorhome insurance claims or plain old motor insurance ones.

– I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen.

– I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

– I thought the side window was down, but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

– A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

– A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car.

– She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.

– A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife’s face.

– I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife.

– I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

– Coming home, I drove into the wrong house, and collided with a tree I haven’t got.

– I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away.

– The other car collided with mine, without giving any warning of its intentions.

The retired pirate

After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker´s compensation insurance he didn’t know his life insurance rate, but he did know that he has some sort of insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related.

“How did you get the wooden leg?” asked the agent.

In a booming voice the pirate replied, “Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ´round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg.”

The agent replied, “That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?”

“Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ´round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand,” said the pirate.

“That´s also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?” asked the agent.

The pirate replied, “Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!”

“What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?” said the agent.

“It were the first day with me hook!”

Up in smoke

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, bought some insurance online for them against …. get this …. fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued … and won!!

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested… on 24 counts of arson!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.

Some insurance Q&As

Here are some great insurance form questions and answer about a recent accident. These all came from real claims, so keep in mind that even though you may have the cheapest auto insurance, there are people out there who are brainier than you are. Here we go:

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have travelled by bus.

A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows:

Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn

Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo

What about the wife?

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell some disability insurance to a farmer. He wasn’t getting anywhere, so he thought he”d try to sell a life policy instead.

“Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well . . .” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

Insurance Claim

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, got some insurance quotes and insured them against …. get this …. fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire
stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet
to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued … and won!!

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for
the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”

After the man cashed his check, however, the
insurance company had him arrested… on 24
counts of arson!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and
sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.

Insurance claims

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. The instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing can be highly entertaining.

  1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
  2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
  3. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
  4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
  5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
  6. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
  7. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
  8. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
  9. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
  10. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  11. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
  12. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
  13. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
  14. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
  15. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
  16. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
  17. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
  18. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
  19. I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
  20. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
  21. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
  22. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

You wouldn’t use those for any insurance marketing would you?