A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further, just past the customized thank you gifts, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we’re making love,’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser … at half the price.’
A young couple had been arguing about what new vehicle they would buy. He wanted a big truck, but she wanted a sports car.
After about an hour the woman had to leave, and said, “Look, all I want is something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than four seconds. My birthday is coming up next week, don’t get me a personalized gift again, buy something that will surprise me!”
A week later she opened her present, a new set of bathroom scales!
(The funeral will take place next Tuesday)
A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, I really don’t want to get her another one of those gift cards, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled.”
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?”
“Yes, I did,” said the fellow.
“…And did she like it?” His buddy asked.
“Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, “I’ll be back in an hour!!!”