Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

  1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
  2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
  3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
  4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
  5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
  6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
  7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
  8. If you have travel insurance your bags will arrive safely.
  9. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
  10. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
  11. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Bodybuilding Jokes

The Edge
How do Columbians develop muscle? By pushing drugs.

Gym Robbery
Gold’s Gym was robbed last week, that’s the last time they recommend free weights.

Rumble in the jungle
Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
He wanted to get ripped to shreds.

What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
Flecks Wheeler.

Newspaper Headline

Randy bodybuilders do reps in the morning and company reps in the evening.

Lat Pulldown
Who invented the lat pulldown? An unknown Latvian.

The Fight
Two Bodybuilders were having a fight in the street after one stole the other’s prohormones. One of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder “This is what I call the the pre-exhaust principle.

Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting.

A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,”Would you like to see my traps?” And the reporter said”yes”. So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.