Who’s pregnant

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months the couldn’t do a paternity test while pregnant so had no idea who the father was. When she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!”

She asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise.”

“Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?”

“Denephew. ”

Name those kids

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months (they took care of her by feeding her prenatal vitamins intravenously), when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them.”
The woman thinks to herself, “No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!”

She asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise.”

“Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?”

“Denephew. ”

Yes, you are pregnant …

A woman went to the doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you prescribed prenatal vitamins and told her she was PREGNANT?”

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

“Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”

If men got pregnant ..

If men got Pregnant

  • Maternity leave would last two years… with full pay.
  • There would be a cure for stretch marks.
  • Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
  • Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.
  • All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
  • Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
  • Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
  • They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.
  • Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
  • Briefcases would be used as changing bags.
  • Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. (just like maternity clothes)
  • They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
  • Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main courses.
  • Women would rule the world.
  • All babies would be fast asleep no matter what – in time for kick off on Sky Sports