A burglar is stalking stealthily around the living room of the house he’s just broken into. He jumps with fright when he suddenly hears a voice behind him saying “Croaoak, beware, Jesus watches you”
He turns around, swings the beam of his flashlight in to direction the voice comes from and sees what indeed the voice had made him think once he was over his first fright: a parrot. The bird repeats “Croaoak, beware, Jesus watches you”
The burglar walks up to the cage and asks “And what may your name be? The parrot answers “Coco.” The burglar sniggers and says “I’ve always found that a very stupid name for a parrot.” The parrot answers “Maybe, but not half as silly as Jesus for a Pitbull terrier”
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store right next to the e-cig store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised he wouldn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
Before the collapse of communism, this Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, in the cage, in all the pet beds even all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can’t find the parrot.
Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer is a little puzzled.
“Look, comrade, I’m sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don’t handle missing animal reports.”
“Oh, I know that”, says the guy. “I just wanted you to know, if you do find my parrot… I don’t know where he could have picked up all his political ideas.”
There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him, because he was dressed in really colorful clothing. He had all this colorful make-up on, and his hair was spiked up with red, green,& yellow with feathers.
The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, “Hey, old man, what are you lookin’ at,eh? Didn’t you do anything strange when you were a teenager?”
“Well, yeah,” the old man answered. “I flunked school, fed my acne treatment to a hamster and once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can’t help but think that maybe you’re my son.