Political Parrot

Before the collapse of communism, this Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, in the cage, in all the pet beds even all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can’t find the parrot.

Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer is a little puzzled.

“Look, comrade, I’m sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don’t handle missing animal reports.”

“Oh, I know that”, says the guy. “I just wanted you to know, if you do find my parrot… I don’t know where he could have picked up all his political ideas.”

Parking Lot Stay

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center to buy a set of dog beds and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched, full-out, on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car, a very pretty young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

“Why don’t you just put it in park”?

Any good at chess?

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen, do you give him pet supplements or any special training?”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”