Day: August 2, 2012

IT Helpdesk calls

User’s new notebook PC has a wireless network card. He loves it – for a day or so, until the battery goes dead. “Did you plug it into a power outlet to charge it?” asks systems administrator. “No,” says sales guy impatiently. “It’s wireless, why would I?”

Accounting department reports that the backup tape for a server won’t stay in. Tech geek tries, and runs a backup without a problem – but the next day the complaint is back. “We asked them to show us the problem, but they were too busy to stop and work with us,” tech says. “This went on for weeks until accounting submitted a purchase order to hire a consultant. He came out and watched as our accountant inserted a cleaning tape into the drive – and a few seconds later it popped out. Consultant made a big label that said CLEANING TAPE, explained to the accountant that she needs to back up her data on one of the tapes that does not say CLEANING TAPE on it, and billed us $150.”

Help desk worker gets a puzzling question from a user: Can she send e-mail to a company in the U.K.? She explained that she tried to e-mail some people in the U.K. and the e-mail came back. She was under the impression that e-mail was like the phone system, and since she couldn’t make an international call, she couldn’t send an international e-mail.”

I can’t connect with the network, remote user tells help desk. “After several minutes of troubleshooting, it was clear that the problem was the user’s modem, which basically died,” tech reports. Impatient user’s next question: “Where can I download another modem?”

User’s PC hard drive is damaged, but support tech manages to recover the files in key directories and copies them to a new drive. Still, user is furious: “Where the @#$%! are all my files? Did you wipe drive for me?” “Where were the files that are missing now?” technician asks. “I used to save them in that cute can. I use those files a lot, and that icon says ‘Recycle,’ so I thought it was a good place to put the files that I reuse often.”

Newly hired user to IT manager: “My mouse pad is missing. Do you have another?” No, but you can get an office supply catalog from purchasing, pick out one you like and have them order it. New hire leaves, only to return minutes later: “My boss says you have to order me a mouse pad. She says you’re the only one who knows what kind is compatible with our system.”

Where in the world …?

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude
and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would
meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consults his portable gps equipment and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican!”

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.”

The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Democrat.” “I am,” replies the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”

Female Dentist

A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot. “No way!  No needles. I hate needles” the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man says:” I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!’ The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objections to taking a pill. “No objection,”  he says. “I’m fine with pills.” The dentist gives him a couple of pills. He swallows them. “What are they?” he says. “Viagra,” says the dentist. “Heck,”   the patient says, “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.” “It doesn’t” said the dentist, “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”