Bodybuilder

A huge bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar where they chat about technique, bodybuilding supplement reviews, and his strict training regime. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,

“See there, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”

She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs,

“See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”

She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”

She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”

The Wedding

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, aged 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in. He addresses the pharmacist, “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medication for rheumatism, eczema treatment, scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, agarol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes”

Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’d like to register for our wedding gifts here please.

When NOT to bluff ..

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with different types of furniture: tables and chairs, log furniture and even antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m from the local telephone company, I’ve come here to activate your phone lines”

Sleeping better at night

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills? Are you sure it’s not diet pills you’re after?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”

Let ME take those pills for you, dear ..

A woman and her husband approach their pharmacist who had been trying to sell the Strongest diet pill over the counter to another customer and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain company that makes birth control pills. Finally the pharmacist asks the couple what’s the matter. The wife explains, “In spite of using birth control pills I continue to get pregnant.” The pharmacist is astounded and asks the woman if she takes them every day.

The woman replies, “My husband takes them every day.”

“What ?” the pharmacist croaks.

“Yep. After we read all those potential side-effects, my husband said ‘ Ah honey.. I don’t what you taking that stuff.. it’s too dangerous,…..let ME take them.’ ”

Curing a cough

A front end clerk in a pharmacy has just been admonished by the owner for missing too many sales. “I’m sorry” the boss says “But one more missed sale and your fired. Just remember that you won’t find chromium supplements here.”

The next customer that comes in has a terrible cough and asks the problem clerk for help. Unable to recall where the cough remedies are, the nervous clerk points to a box of Ex-Lax and says “Here, buy this then go over to our cooler and take all of it with plenty of water”.

The customer thanks him and obliges. Finishing his last glass of water, the customer exits the pharmacy. Once outside he stops, takes a few faltering steps, then hugs a telephone pole. The boss, having witnessed the entire scene, approaches the clerk and asks him what he recommended.

“Ex-Lax,” says the clerk hesitantly.

“Ex-Lax !” yells the boss. “That won’t help a cough!”

“Sure it does,” says the clerk. “Look,.. he’s afraid to cough.”