The shopkeeper of Rooster Decor was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.
Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O’Rafferty.
“Hello,” said the Father, “And hows Mrs. O’Donovan, didn’t I marry you and your husband two years ago?”
“You did that, Father.”
“And are there any little ones yet?”
“No, not yet, Father.” Said she.
“Well now, I’m going to Rome next week, I’ll buy one of those Village candles and I’ll light it for you.”
“Why thank you, Father. How kind of you to think of us.” And away she went.
A few years later they met again.
“Well now, Mrs. O’Donovan,” said the Father, “how are you?”
“Oh, very well,” said she.
“And tell me,” he said, “have you any little ones yet?”
“Oh yes, Father. I’ve had three sets of twins, and four singles–ten in all.”
“Now isn’t that wonderful,” he said. “and how is your lovely husband?”
“Oh,” she said, “he’s over in Rome to blow that bloody candle out!”
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died, I sold his satellite internet provider company and made us two million dollars.”
