Rules for your diet

Here are things you need to keep in mind for your upcoming diet:

  • If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  • When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
  • When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
  • Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.
  • If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner, just make sure they don’t have any fat burner.
  • Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. Example: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.
  • Cookie pieces contain no calories, because of the process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
  • If you are in the process of preparing something, foods licked off knives and spoons have no calories.
  • Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: green salad and Key Lime pie, mushrooms and white chocolate.
  • If you eat the food off someone else’s plate, it doesn’t count.
  • If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
  • Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.

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