Day: May 22, 2009

Tech Support

Tech: Computer Services Orange County this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please?

Female Customer: Yes I want to speak to the person in charge immediately!

Tech: Speaking. What can I do for you?

Female Customer: I want to complain about the pornographic bookmarks your company put in my web browser!

Tech: We didn’t put any pornographic bookmarks in your web browser.

Female Customer: Oh yes you did! I’m looking at them right now!

(Tech remembers the Netscape history list and grins to himself)

Tech: Where exactly are these “bookmarks” located?

Female Customer: In Netscape!

Tech: And where exactly in Netscape would that be?

Female: In that little list that comes down when you click the little down arrow!

Tech: The one right above the Net Search button?

Female Customer: Yes that one!

Tech: Miss, that’s the Netscape history list. Netscape keeps the past ten links you typed in that box. The only way to put an address in that box is for someone to physically sit at your computer and type in a web address.

Female Customer: Well I certainly didn’t type in those X rated web addresses!

Tech: Well somebody did. Who else has access to your computer, and uses the Internet?

Female Customer: Just me and my husband!

(Several seconds of silence pass … Hey! I wasn’t going to say it!)

Female Customer: …….. oh …………. OOOH! … Thank you.

(She quickly hung up)

Anything for an ace

He’d been playing for twenty years and he’d never managed it – the ultimate goal, a hole in one. As he was chipping away in a sandtrap one day and moving nothing but sand, he voiced the thought. “I’d give anything,” he said, “anything to get a hole in one.”

“Anything?” came a voice from behind and he turned to see a grinning, red-clad figure with neatly polished horns and sharpened tail.

“What did you have in mind?” the golfer enquired.

“Well would you give up half your sex life.'”

“Yes, Yes I would.”

“It’s a deal then,” and the figure faded discreetly from sight.

On the very next hole he did it. The ball just soared from his club in a perfect arc right into the hole. And for good measure, every other hole he played that round he holed in one. As he was putting his golf equipment away the figure in red appeared once more.

“Now for our bargain,” he said. “You remember you must give up half your sex life.”

The golfer frowned. “That gives me a bit of a problem,” he said.

“You’re not backing out of this,” cried the figure with a swish of its tail.

“We’d struck a bargain and you agreed to it.”

“Yes, of course. But I do have a problem. Which half of my sex life do you want – the thinking or the dreaming?”