Fix that printer

When a guy’s receipt printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it is my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

It’s all about the jewellery

LONDON - SEPTEMBER 27:  Raymond Sancroft-Baker...

When a woman decided to have her portrait painted she told the artist, “Please paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, one of those thick mens wedding rings, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied. “I know,” she said.

“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”