Day: June 1, 2008

If men got pregnant ..

If men got Pregnant

  • Maternity leave would last two years… with full pay.
  • There would be a cure for stretch marks.
  • Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
  • Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.
  • All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
  • Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
  • Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
  • They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.
  • Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
  • Briefcases would be used as changing bags.
  • Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. (just like maternity clothes)
  • They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
  • Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main courses.
  • Women would rule the world.
  • All babies would be fast asleep no matter what – in time for kick off on Sky Sports

Accountant Joke

You might be an Accountant if…

  • you refer to your child as Deduction 214.
  • you deduct Exlax as “Moving expenses”.
  • you have no idea that GAP is also a renaissance clothing store.
  • at the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.
  • getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.
  • your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
  • you are doing it now because you checked the file and found that you did it last year.
  • you decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline “======”.

A matter of sums

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel (I hate cheap hotels) with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”