Tag: travel

Ooops

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter; they didn’t usually do health travel, but it was REALLY cold. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been ‘called home to glory’ following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I’ve Arrived!
I’ve just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)

Shelly

True holiday nightmare stories

Peter Allen and Rachel Burden asked their listeners to the Radio 5 live ‘Drive’ programme to send in the worst holiday beginnings that they had experienced. This followed the horrific example of when a plane was flying with holiday makers to Egypt when it had to put down in Brindisi, Southern Italy as the pilot had found a note declaring that there was a bomb on board. This he passed this information on to the passengers. An horrific start to their vacation.

These five other snippets were sent into the programme:

1. ‘I arrived in Cuba 2 hours before a hurricane.’
2. I spent 3 hours in a traffic jam on the M6 between junctions 15 and 16.’
3. ‘My girl friend of 3 years told me our relationship was over as we got off the plane in Barbados.’
4. ‘We were travelling to Toronto, Canada while all our luggage was sent to Toronto, Italy.’
5. ‘I set off from home to Gatwick on Wednesday morning after staying in one of those great Acapulco hotels and because of the appalling weather [snow, ice and blizzards] we didn’t fly to Belfast until Saturday afternoon. I returned home on Sunday. – some short break.’ [A true story that happened to Will’s daughter Hannah]

Bury the mother-in-law

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem, while staying at one of the punta cana hotels, George’s mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.

The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do.” The Consul says “You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the difference in price.” “No, it’s not that,” says George. “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man who was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day, he rose from the dead! I just can’t take that chance!”

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The Clintons go on holiday

Last summer, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to check on their shipping boxes and fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today.”

She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would have been President of the United States.”