That settles it

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce, down at the court right next to radio shack. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said:

“Your Honour, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody”.

The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in your defense?” The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly rose.

“Your Honour, if I put a coin in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, whose Coke is it, the machines’ or mine?”

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Take it with you

Determined to “take it with him” when he died, a very rich man prayed until finally the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring only one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion, having chosen them over the pile of silver bullion bars he had.

The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he couldn’t bring his suitcase. “Oh, but I have an agreement with God,” the man explained.

“That’s unusual,” said St. Peter. “Mind if I take a look?” The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion.

St. Peter was amazed. “Why in the world would you bring pavement?”

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