[Adult] The Fancy Dress Party

This bloke decides to throw a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends too. He didn’t want the usual pirate costumes or anything normal, so on the invitation he puts: “Fancy dress party – come as a human emotion.”

On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a bloke covered in green paint with the words N and V painted on his chest.

“Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” the hosts asks.

“I’m green with envy,” the guy answers.

“Brilliant, come on in and have a drink,” replies the host.

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts.

“Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” he asks.

“I’m tickled pink.”

“I love it, come on in and join the party.”

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the host opens the door to see two black Jamaican guys, stark-bollock naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and other with his penis stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, “Fuck me, you could get arrested out on the street like that. What the hell are you supposed to be?”

The first guy replies (in a strong West Indian accent), “Well, I’m fucking disgusted and my friend here has come in despair.”

What they really mean at the gym ..

  1. In The Zone – Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as “spaced out.”
  2. Extended Warm-Up – 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.
  3. “Just One More Rep” – Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: “Lift the weight for me.”
  4. Forced Reps – For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.
  5. Hack Squat – The position a cat gets into when he’s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.
  6. “Can I work in with you?” – Translation: “Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?”
  7. Drop Sets – What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.
  8. Bulking Up – Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.
  9. “I’m maxing out” – Translation: “I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1.”
  10. Cool-down – Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more you’ll lift next time.
  11. Olympic Bar – Athlete’s nightclub.
  12. E-Z Bar – “How dare you! I’m not that type of bar.”
  13. Squat rack – The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.
  14. “It’s all you!” – Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: “It’s mostly me.”
  15. Pro-hormones – Hormones that have lost their amateur status.
  16. Meal Replacement Supplement – Cold pizza and warm beer with a sprinkling of hgh.
  17. Clean and Press – Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.
  18. High Intensity Interval Training – Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.
  19. Skullcrushers – An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.
  20. “Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds” – Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.