Tag: plane

The Plane Flight

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane: “I think everyone’s asleep, let’s go”

“This one’s empty … no-one’s looking… you go in first”

“It’s a bit cramped – let me sit down”

“Have you got the condom? Quick – put it on”

Sniff sniff

“Ah perfume – you think of everything”

“This is great…..” (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.

“This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you’re doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations… Now put those cigarettes out, buy an e cigarette and take the condom off the smoke detector!”

The crashing plane

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together travelling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us,” he announced. “Since I’m the pilot, I get one!” After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.”Im the worlds greatest athlete,” proclaimed Michael Jordon. “This world needs great athletes, so I must live.” Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.”I’m the smartest man in the world,” bragged Bill Gates. “The world needs smart men, so I must also live!” Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. “I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.””You don’t have to stay here! The world’s smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack full of netbooks.”

What to speak about?

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The girl, turned off her MP3 players and said to the guy, “What would you like to talk about?”

Oh, I don’t know,” said the guy. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff… grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The guy thought about it and said, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the girl replied, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”