Tag: father

10 things you’ll never hear your dad say

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY, but don’t spend it all on acne solutions, get a hooker instead.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.

The Crystal Ball

The Acme Company was trying to sell its new computerized crystal ball to a major marketing executive, one who had just finished a pretty successful mover NYC campaign and was looking for a new products to sell. As expected, the executive was quite skeptical.

The Acme sales rep told the executive, ‘Go ahead and type a question into the crystal ball.’

The executive typed, ‘Where is my father?’ The crystal ball bleeped and blooped for a short while, and then came back with ‘Your father is fishing in Michigan.’

The executive said to the sales rep, ‘You see? I knew this was BS. My father’s been dead for twenty years.’

‘Hmmmm. Try asking the question in a different way.’

This time the executive typed, ‘Where is my mother’s husband?’

The crystal ball came back with an answer, even more quickly this time than before. ‘Your mother’s husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.’