Tag: wedding

Old couple at a pharmacy

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemists. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds ”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, and antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs, zimmerframes and walking sticks?”

Pharmacist: “All shapes and sizes.”

Jacob: “How about incontinence products?”

Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jacob: “Can we set up our wedding list here?”

The secret to making a marriage work

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring and picked a special one from a shop specialising in tungsten rings. As the girl admired the plain tungsten and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

“Tell me,” she asked the elderly salesman, “is there anything special I’ll have to do to take care of this ring?”

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, “One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day.”

Kids at a wedding

Here’s a great joke I heard, which made me think of Arthur:

At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl to come down the aisle. She wasn’t alone, but followed by a little boy carring a ladys and mens wedding bands.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”

I can just picture him growling at all the guests 😉

Secrets to making a marriage last …

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric grow lights and an electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”, so I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”

My wife has stopped the alli diet pill and is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off…

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”