Tag: shopping

The Tennis Ball

A :en:Tennis ball Author: :en:User:Fcb981

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts, nice that No Fear clothing has so many pockets huh?.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him couldn’t help but notice the large bulge.

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing at his shorts.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh my gosh,” said the girl sympathetically… ,that must be very painful . . . . I had tennis elbow once!”

The Department Store

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and tries to get the attention of a clerk who was sorting out moth traps. Heasks, “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?”

The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beaten up?!!”

Things to do at Walmart?

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute intervals.
3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares and see what happens.
5 Go the Customer Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.
6 Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8 When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12 In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME!”
14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”
15. Go to checkout and pay for your shopping with a stack of Vista Print coupons
16 Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”