Satellite Jokes

A Spectacular Image to Celebrate the Internati...
Image by Smithsonian Institution via Flickr

And here are some jokes from your favourite satellite service provider:

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might.
It’s just a satellite

And here’s another one:

Jupiter came down to Earth one day and decided to help these two criminals to rob a bank. Anyway, to make a long story short, they got caught and the three of them found themselves in court. The judge sentenced the two earthlings to fifteen years, and Jupiter was a bit shocked when he was sentenced to ten years.
“But your honour” said Jupiter, “I didn’t even take part in the robbery!”
“Yes” said the judge. “But you helped them … Planet!”.

And one more

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see lawyers rushing to the scene…

10 signs you’re an Internet Geek

10. When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is ‘Hi, what’s your URL? Do you have a live video streaming service

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You’re amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You ‘ping’ people to see if they’re awake, ‘finger’ them to find out how they are, and ‘AYT’ them to make sure they’re listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as ‘my lady@home.wife’ and refer to your children as ‘client applications’.

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as ‘my domain server’.

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, ‘I feel so colon-right parentheses!’

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: ‘Pizza’s Here!’

Fix my shoes

Swanson Shoe Repair (founded 1928), Wallingfor...
Image via Wikipedia

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

“Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked.

“Not very likely,” his wife said.

“It’s worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man put down the pair of Dansko clogs he was fixing and said, “Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these.”

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”

“No kidding?” Arnold called back. “That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time.”

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.

“They’ll be ready Thursday,” he said calmly.