Day: November 12, 2009

The Clintons go on holiday

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing at one of these Myrtle Beach vacation rentals. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today.”

She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States.”

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A blonde diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. It’s the best way to burn fat. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instruction The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

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A drunk in the bathroom

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

“What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!”

“I’m just sitting here on the Toto toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!!!”

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